Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Satire: Chabad Adopts ObamaCare!

From an email.
This is an actual letter sent out by a Rabbi of Chabad.
(But I wouldn't worry)
Breaking News!

Chabad adopts ObamaCare!

Dear Friend,

The Supreme Court has ruled that the Individual Mandate of ObamaCare is Constitutional under the rules of taxation!

At Chabad, we love the idea. No, I'm not referring to ObamaCare and its goals. That I'm going to leave to you and your friends to argue, agree, disagree, or agree to disagree if ObamaCare is good for the country or not [and I will not enter the discussion, so please no emails on this topic].

I'm referring to the Supreme Court ruling which allows taxing someone for not doing something. Its a great concept that we can adopt.

Introducing ChabadCares.
Let's be honest. One of the toughest things in my trade is trying to get people to participate in Synagogue Services, Adult Educational Classes and Programs. We put in much work and effort to make them enjoyable, entertaining and stimulating. A lot of people participate. But there are still many of you out there standing on the sidelines. Our goal, and what we strive for is full participation.

Enter ChabadCares. Now we can tax someone for not participating. Imagine how it would change how we operate and what the menu would look like.
  1. Daily Evening Services: FREE
    Tax On Not Coming to Evening Services: $18

  2. Daily Morning Services including Coffee, Cake & the occassional Bagel: FREE
    Tax On Not Coming to Morning Services: $36

  3. Weekly Shabbat Services including Full Lunch Kiddush including Deliscious Cholent: FREE
    Tax On Not Coming to Shabbat Services: $75

  4. Inspirational High Holiday Services: FREE
    Tax On Not Attending High Holiday Services: $250

  5. Mind Opening Adult Educational Classes: FREE
    Tax On Not Attending: $100
The menu could go on to include Lectures, Mens Club, Lunch & Learn, Women's Circle etc. etc.

Now just like ObamaCare, the goal of ChabadCares isn't the tax, but to reach the goal of full community participation in Jewish Life. The only problem is that if everyone participates and no one is paying the taxes, then how will expenses be covered. But we'll cross that bridge when we get there.

One distinction between ChabadCares & ObamaCare. We can debate if ObamaCare is good for the country in the short and long terms. No one can debate about the benefits of ChabadCares. Coming to Synagogue Services, learning more about your Judaism and greater involvement in Jewish life will do wonders for your mental, emotional and physical well being.

Just why didn't we think of this idea earlier.
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