Hebrew Gains Something In Transliteration

When my daughter was around 6 years old, she was in the car singing something along the lines of:

"Bringing lots of nachas--Kibbud Av V'Em (honoring your father and mother)"

Not knowing when to leave well enough alone, I asked her what "nachas" meant.

Note To Self...

When getting the baby dressed during the morning rush, remember to make sure that the bottom of the onesy is unbuttoned.



Technorati Tag: Raising Kids.

I Took My 11 Month Old To Work And All I Got Was A Lousy Video...

Yesterday was a bad day for the baby. He had a bad night and taking him to the doctor did not make him feel any better. After picking up his medicine, and before taking him home, I had to stop off at the office to do some work--and keep the baby entertained.

But people at the office were probably more entertained than he was.

Today my daughter complained of a stomach ache (she is lactose intolerant) so I am home with both of my children. The doctor said if she does not get better, I should take her for blood and urine tests--which I duly reported to my daughter.

She is already starting to feel better...

Technorati Tag: Children.

It Worked On My Daughter--It Will Work On Ahmadinejad!

This morning I faced a daughter with a stomach ache and a baby with pink eye. The bigger problem was getting my daughter to go to school after giving her the medication the doctor prescribed.

After trying all kinds of arguments--threats and sanctions were ineffective--I finally succeeded in finding a way to get her to go to school--and if it worked on her, I think it will work on Ahmadinejad.

I suggest we try the following:
We contact Ahmadinejad and tell him in no uncertain terms that if he does not dismantle the nuclear reactors-
We will assemble the same team that we used in Syria
We will drop them in Tehran
They will come directly to his house
And take away his Nintendo DS.

That is why we need McCain--he could pull this off.
Obama--he would just distribute Nintendos 'without preconditions' to all of Iran.

Postscript: I just got a phone call from the school. My daughter is complaining of a stomach ache and I have to go in and pick her up.

Maybe my idea wouldn't work after all.
Technorati Tag: Iran and Ahmadinejad.

Dikduk Question: "Mah Choshevet At"

I speak to my daughter in Hebrew. I brought her to work in New Jersey on Friday and at one point asked her what she thought. Because I want her to understand the flexibility of Hebrew, I said "Mah Choshevet At?" instead of "Mah At Choshevet?" and was corrected by 2 people who said that was wrong.

I did a search and found a book entitled "Mah Choshevet Miri"--and was told that nouns are different from pronouns. Does that make sense?

Bottom line: is "Mah Choshevet Miri" acceptable Hebrew?
Exit question: does anyone, anywhere speak/write like that--switching the subject and predicate of a sentence?

Thank you in advance for any help on this question.

Technorati Tag: Hebrew.

Marching In The Israel Day Parade

My daughter marched in the Israel Day Parade--her first time. Apparently, it was the first time the 3rd grade was invited to participate with the school.

Here's a picture of my daughter--she's the one with the smile.

I was there as one of the 'chaperones'.
As you can see, the girls in my daughter's row had the job of shaking maracas.

Actually, I wouldn't exactly call it marching...more like coordinated leisurely wandering, but it did get the job done.

The theme was: The Faces and Places of The State of Israel
Here are some of the faces--on the far right (geographically) is Rav Kook. In the middle is Golda Meir:

Other faces included David Ben Gurion, Chaim Weitzman, Theodor Herzl, Rav Goren, and Natan Sharansky--apparently Sharansky was the only live person depicted.

Here are some of the places:

It was fun for the kids, though I imagine some of them may have been taken aback to see Neturei Karta protesting along with some other "anti-Occupation" protestors, though I couldn't tell for sure if the children actually noticed.

One initial problem we had was getting the kids in each row to spread out. But that was only initially. As we marched down 5th Avenue, it seemed that some of the horses the police were riding left some helpful inducements.

After the first one of two encounters, the kids had no problem remembering to keep spread out on their own.

The Kotzker was right: the middle of the road really is for horses.

...And don't forget to check out this picture of the JBlogosphere float at the parade--courtesy of Muqata!

Technorati Tag: Israel.

Total Recall

Actual conversation with my daughter:

Daughter: Abba, I have Short Term Memory Loss!
Me: Oh really? What's that?
Daughter: I don't know--I forgot!

Has Your Child Had a C.M.?

My Daughter: Abba, there's a C.M. today!
Me: A what?
My Daughter: A C.M.!
Me: What's a C.M.?
My Daughter: In school...I have to bring in food for the C.M...we finished the Perek today.
Me: Oh...you mean a siyum.
My Daughter: That's what I said--a C.M.!

Chaim Maccabbee

Just so there is no misunderstanding, Chaim Maccabbee is the name of my daughter's new cat--the one we got for her yesterday.

My wife claims that she ran the idea past me a few months ago and I did not object. When pressed on the issue, my wife was unable to produce any documents with my signature to that effect.

Supposedly, having this cat will teach my daughter responsibility and will also be soothing. When I suggested that doing the dishes would have the same effect, I got a look. I still think I'm right though. They say that fishing can be very calming (though not for the fish), and I think that the monotony of washing the dishes--like fishing--can be very calming once you get in the groove. So why did we get a dish washer? I find the hum of the dishwasher very soothing--especially when I meditate on how many dishes I do not have to wash.

Anyway, my wife and I came to an understanding before we bought the cat that I will have no responsibilities for the cat--I will not have to feed, clean, or in any way have any responsibility for it. Of course, we had the same understanding before she bought her fish (currently all deceased). Nevertheless, I had to help her empty and refill it and a couple of times clean the gravel.

But this time I intend to stand firm.

(And when my wife and daughter go to the local YMHA on Sundays for their morning fun, I will have the kitten all to myself!)

Technorati Tag: Cats.

You're Hot!

No, not you.
My daughter.
My 8 year old daughter.

At least that is what she was told at the birthday party she went to.
By a girl.
An 8 year old girl.

At first I was confused--like when my daughter was playing a card game with some friends and one of the girls said "you're bleeding." Apparently this is supposed to mean that other people can see the cards you are holding.

Now I'm past confused. Now I'm concerned. My daughter also implied that more than one girl was talking like that.

The girl who made this comment to my daughter goes to a school I am considering switching my daughter to. The only reason I didn't do it this year is that I was concerned about the Hashkafa of the school. Now I don't know what to think.

The girl whose birthday it was has switched from the school my daughter is going to now to the one which I am considering sending her to--and invited all of her classmates from both schools. When I picked up my daughter from the party, the first thing she started talking about was how friendly the girls were from the other school and how nice they were to her.

I was thrilled to hear that.
But now, I have to figure out how much weight to give a single comment.

There is supposed to be an old Chinese curse: "May you live in interesting times"
It may just as well be: "May you be a parent."

Technorati Tag: Parenting.

My 8 Year Old Daughter Went To A Karate Birthday Party...

She had fun.

Technorati Tag: Karate.

HELP! THE FARMER IN THE DELL TOSSED A BALE OF PENCILS INTO MY JERSEY!! I decided over the summer to introduce my 7-year-old daughter to mnemonics. She picked up on the names of the 5 longest rivers (NAMES HA! = NAYMH = Nile, Amazon, Yang Tze, Mississippi-Missouri, and Huang He), and now we are working on the 13 colonies in the order they were recognized:

1. Delaware
2. Pennsylvania
3. New Jersey
4. Georgia
5. Connecticut
6. Massachusetts
7. Maryland
8. South Caroline
9. New Hampshire
10. Virginia
11. New York
12. North Carolina
13. Rhode Island

I've been teaching her how to 'chain' the states together, using strange pictures. I am still in the process of fiddling with it, but right now, the images are:

The Farmer in the Dell (Delaware) uses his pitchfork to toss a large bale of pencils (Pennsylvania) into your jersey (New Jersey). It itches, and while scratching, you pull out a peach (Georgia) that you cut up (ConnectiCUT) and start chewing (MassaCHEWsetts) while going for a walk. You pass by a wedding where a couple is getting married (Maryland). The bride turns around and makes a scary (South CAREoline) face and runs off after a hamster (New Hampshire). You pass by a girl named Virginia (Virginia) who is eating a big bowl of Yorkshire (New York) pudding. A small person is driving a car (North CARoline) around the rim of the bowl and then takes off down the road (Rhode Island).

Right now we are in the experimental stage with this, but along the way I imagine we'll both learn a thing or two during the summer. I used to have a book on memorizing, which is where I got the idea for this. If I could, I'd like to go through it again.

Unfortunately, I forgot where I put it.

Technorati Tag: Mnemonics.

PARENTAL MILESTONE: MY DAUGHTER BROKE HER ARM. Personally, I never had a cast put on till I was in my 20's. My wife, on the other hand, has had various breaks and sprains. This Shabbos we learned that our daughter takes after her mother.

Earlier this week, at the school playground, my daughter's friend jumped off the slide and landed on her back. Because she had trouble standing, Hatzalah was called and they immobilized her and took her to the hospital. In the end, she was completely OK and was released.

My daughter was not so lucky--at a local playground she climbed up the slide, instead of up the steps, and lost her balance--falling and breaking her radius. Hatzalah took us to the hospital. I never knew that they had seatbelts in the back--they don't show that part on TV.

I'm sure parents who have gone through this with their children know the procedure and what happens at the hospital.

But one thing that became a problem was that my daughter was unable to use either arm--the arm she broke was immobilized while we waiting for the doctor to set it. Her other arm was immobilized so she would not accidentally dislodged the I.V. in her arm.

And then she started to itch.

Her forefinger on her right arm started itching on and off for a couple of hours: but in one particular spot and it had to be scratched in a particular way--which my daughter had great difficulty explaining. Apparently 7-year olds do not handle exasperation well. Since I have short nails, I received a dispensation and it fell to my wife to scratch my daughter's finger.

And her cheek
And her chin
And her nose (at one point my daughter asked her mother to scratch inside her nose. Apparently this is not covered by the mother-daughter contract)

Boy did I luck out.

Then when it came time for X-rays to be taken, my daughter insisted that I not look at the pictures--my daughter seems to be very machmir when it comes to Tzinius.

Friends came after Shabbos with grape juice for Havdalah and food--we had not eaten since lunch. The accident happened at 6:30pm and we got home a little after 1:00am.

My daughter will not be doing any of the written homework that she was given to do over the summer--still, I think she would have 'enjoyed' the benefits of being in a cast more if it happened during the school year. It's a little like when there's a big snow storm...during the week end and it's cleaned up by Monday. What a waste of good snow!

I haven't told my daughter yet that she will still be doing her homework during the summer--my wife and I will just do the writing for her.

Tough break.

CELEBRITY LOOKALIKES : MY DAUGHTER. After reading Serach's (first?) post on SerandEz, I thought I would give this a try too--with a picture of my daughter.
Question 1: Why do both results feature pictures of oriental women?
Question 2: If these are celebrity lookalikes, why don't they look anything like each other?



I wasn't going to post my daughter's picture, but I changed my mind. The picture is about 2 years old:

7 YEARS IS A LONG TIME TO A 7-YEAR-OLD. They are redoing the old public school around the corner from us. How old is the school? The school was built with separate entrances for the boys and girls--with the words BOYS and GIRLS engraved into the stone above each door, on opposite sides of the school.

While I was driving past the school with the daughter, she asked why the school had a fence around it. I explained that the school was old and had to be fixed up.

Daughter: Is the school older than me?
Me: Yes.
Daughter: You mean it's older than when we were in Texas (where she was born)?
Me: Yes.
Daughter: You mean it's older than when I was in my mommy's stomach?
Me: Yes.
Daughter: Wow, that is old.

I was surprised.
Once, when my daughter asked me how old I was I told her I was 81 years old (family tradition).
That she seemed to take in stride.
Hmmmmm...

Driving Miss Daled Amos

What did you do on Purim?

Me, I drove my daughter around town.

I drove her to the Chagiga Motzei Shabbos.
I drove her home from the Chagiga.
I drove her over to buy food for Mishloach Manos and back.
I drove her to deliver Mishloach Manos.

Just one catch.
I had to drive the car at 10 miles per hour.

Something my 7 year old ate on Shabbos disagreed with her so much that on Motzei Shabbos she threw up: and everywhere I had to drive her--and she insisted that I drive her--she also insisted that I drive slowly, otherwise she thought she would throw up again. She didn't have to tell me twice--though she did. Every time we got into the car.

Fortunately, where we live there are a lot of side roads and driving in the 2-10 mile range was for the most part not a problem.

I was sure that I was going to get stopped by a policeman, thinking I seemed suspicious driving up and down streets at a crawl.

"Sorry officer. You see: today is Purim, I'm delivering Mishloach Manos, and my daughter is nauseous and may throw up any minute. Go ahead sweetie--tell the nice policeman"

Anyway, we survived the day without incident, and it was a Chag Sameach.
As I hope it was by you.

Technorati Tag: Purim

How Do They Teach American History To Second Graders?

On Friday I was going through my daughters knapsack and came across an assignment she had in class for President's Day. Here is the top of the sheet. Can you tell what is missing?

I realize that my daughter is only 7 years old, but I don't see why there is no mention of just what kind of war George Washington was fighting (besides, since this was before independence, Washington was not leading the U.S. army). Does anyone believe that second graders do not understand the concept of independence? What kid doesn't fight for the right to go to sleep later than their parent's tell them or to not eat green beans?

Without teaching the children about the Revolutionary War and the part George Washington played in it, what is the point of the following:

I was curious--if children are not given any background about the war and what it was about, just what should they think is the reason that Washington is called the Father of Our Country?. So I asked my daughter this evening:

Me: Who is the "Father of Our Country"?
Daughter: You...?
Me: Who is the "Father of Our Country"?
Daughter: [Blank stare]
Me: George.....
Daughter: Washington!
Me: And why is he called the "Father of Our Country"?
Daughter: Because he was the first president.

If you do a search on Google [Washington "father of our country because"] the consensus seems to be that the reason is that Washington led the army to victory, without which the colonies would not have gained independence. A page for kids, though, did say that the reason is because he was the first president.

It bothers me that at a time that terrorists are called freedom fighters and the West is rolling over for Islamists, my daughter's class assignment takes such a lackadaisical approach to teaching about a central historical event. When it comes to math, the school curriculum makes a point of teaching advanced mathematical concepts early with an eye towards preparing students for the more developed ideas in the coming years. So why not give our children a fuller understanding of American history? At least teach the reason for the war.

Just what is it about this part of American history that they think our children won't understand?

Technorati Tag: George Washington and American History.

How a 7 Year Old Plans a Sleepover

My daughter has already had one sleepover. Actually she has had two, but the first time, the girl who slept over got homesick and I had to take her home. The first successful sleepover was on a Motzei Shabbos, when a friend who lives a few blocks away slept over till Sunday.

But this time, this past Shabbos, she had a sleepover with a friend, a classmate who lives on the other side of town. This friend was sleeping over Shabbos--and her parents were out of town, so if the girl got homesick we would have to manage.

Naturally, under the circumstances, precise planning was essential.
At least that is what my daughter thought. So she and another friend of hers got together to plan the proper--if not perfect--sleepover.

Here is the plan--which I have translated for those who do not understand 7-year-old.

Sleepover Party Plans make tent Night 5:00 dinner 6:00 Barbies 6:20 Scary Stories 6:30 Read Books 7:00 Sleep Morning 7:00 Breakfast 7:20 Get Dressed 7:30 Barbies 7:40 Project 8:00 Devorah until 12:08 House 1:00 Project until 6:00	Sunday 7:00 Project Breakfast 8:00 Get ready for Sunday Funday (held at local YMHA) 9:00 10:00 Go to Sunday Funday 12:30 Pick up Go Home

The sleepover was this past Shabbos, and it turned out very well--
Probably because my daughter lost the plans for the sleepover.

Getting My Daughter Ready For School Is An Adventure

In order to make it possible for my wife to get to work--and back home--earlier, my wife and I changed our schedules around. Now I am the one that wakes up our 7 year old daughter, gets her dressed, gives her breakfast, and brings her to school.

And of course, that is where the trouble begins.

Wednesday morning did not start out well. My daughter finally found what she wanted to wear--a favorite dress with a bear and pom-poms. Cute dress, but it was a bit short on her. Since the hour was late and our area is going through a cold spell, we worked out a compromise after some intense negotiation: this would be the last time she would wear the dress, she would wear pants because of the cold and that would be that.

I brought my daughter to school and drop-off went without a hitch.

Two blocks before I got to work, I got a call and saw that it was from the school.

You should know that so far this school year:

• My daughter got a nosebleed on the first day of school that could not be stopped and required my taking her to the hospital.
• She has had strep twice.
• The third time, when we thought she had strep and got a rash that was diagnosed as Scarlet Fever--it turned out to be something else.
• Instead of repeated cases of ear infections as in past years--now she gets sore throats.
• This week a number of teachers have noticed that she is blinking excessively
  

Out of desperation, I have suggested to the doctor that she give out cards. She could punch a hole in the card after each visit--and you would get the tenth visit for free. Or at least get a free coffee. She was amused, but rejected the idea.

So when I saw that it was the school calling, I expected the worst. Instead, the teacher assured me that my daughter was fine. However my daughter was dressed improperly--her dress was too short.

True, she was wearing pants--and that was OK due to the cold--however because the dress was short on her, the combination of the dress and pants gave the appearance that she was wearing a pants suit.

A pants suit? Not being a maven of women's fashion, I have no idea how a dress and pants can look like a pants suit--especially with a bear and pom-poms. The school asked that I come to school with more suitable clothes. As it turns out, we have steam coming out from under the bathroom sink [doesn't everyone?] and I was planning to come home early in the afternoon anyway to let the plumber in to fix it, so that was no problem.

I was thinking afterward about why I didn't make a bigger fuss. After all, it was the first time. Why not just let her--and me--off with a warning? I think part of the reason was a story I had heard. I'm not sure who told it. According to the story, it once happened that a man who had badmouthed a certain rabbi came to him one day for help because his daughter was considering intermarriage. The rabbi told him the following story:

A doctor was on his way to a particular village, but along the way a robber held him up. The robber threw away his bag with the medicine in it, took his money and ran off. The doctor proceeded to the village. The next day, a man came to the doctor pleading with him to help his sick daughter. The doctor, recognizing the voice of the man, asked him if he was in fact the man who had robbed him the previous day. When the man answered yes, the doctor informed him that he could not help the man. Since the man had thrown away the bag with all the medicine, the doctor was helpless to save the man's daughter.

The rabbi concluded by telling the man in front of him that having badmouthed him, the rabbi would have no influence with his daughter, just as the doctor robbed of his medicine could not save the robber's daughter.

My wife and I have had issues with the school, but we make a point of not badmouthing the school to our daughter. In the same way, I thought that rather than fighting the school on this, the incident would be a learning experience. I wanted my daughter to see that rules in general, and issues of Tziniut (modesty) in particular have meaning--so much so that Abba will leave work to come home early to bring in a change of clothes.

I ended up bringing a black skirt to school for my daughter to wear. I forgot that she was wearing a dress--not a skirt and blouse. In the end she ended up wearing the light blue dress with the black skirt underneath. The things we do to our kids...

My daughter and I had a talk about the incident and about Tziniut--to the degree that a 7 year old has the patience for such things (about 4 minutes). I asked her what Tziniut means. She answered that it means "appropriate"--which is good enough for now.

She and I will have further talks on this and other issues...many other issues.
For myself, I have a growing respect for what it takes to get a 7 year old to school in the morning.

What's YOUR Excuse For Not Getting Up In The Morning?

My 7 year old daughter seems to have been putting some extra thought into hers. When I was a kid and I didn't want to get up and go to school, I just said "I don't wanna"--a lot of good it did me.

My daughter is a bit more creative.

• When she was 6, my daughter would pull her covers over her and say: I'm a bear--and I'm hibernating!
  
  
• This morning, she wrapped her covers around her and exclaimed: I'm in a cocoon--and I'm not coming out till Spring!

On the way home from work, I was wondering what kind of excuses I could make up:

• Wait, I just saw my shadow--I can't go to work today!
  
  
• I'm the latest Hero, and my special power is to turn workdays into Sundays--go back to sleep!
  
  
• Shhhh, I'm blogging--can't you see I'm wearing pajamas?!

Nu, so what's your excuse?